The 10 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Haven't Reached A Dream
By Carol Dickson-Carr, Thu Dec 8th

Following are a series of questions I needed to ask myself andfind answers to over the course of my life before finallydeciding to go for it. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if any ofthese looked familiar to you. You’ll notice that many of thequestions and my proposed solutions are interrelated.

1. What am I really afraid of?

Addressing this issue right here is worthy of an article all byitself! You may have heard somewhere that FEAR really stands forFalse Evidence Appearing Real. However, some fears are neededand rational. You wouldn’t stick your hand in a burning fireplace or run into oncoming traffic, for example!

But some examples of common fears that don’t really serve youare: the fears of success (I’ll lose my friends), of failure, ofthe unknown, of never having the courage to go for it, of losingyour social life, and so on.

Instead of letting these fears paralyze you, write them down,and then consider confronting them and making new opportunitiesfor yourself. Visualize the fear as the shell of a nut thatneeds to be cracked. Use your mental nutcracker to break theshell.

Pushing through your comfort zone can be frightening sometimes,but if you just push through it and do it, you may surpriseyourself. An amazing amount of growth can take place each timeyou do. Courage is a wonderful thing. It comes from within, butcan be brought out faster if you’re surrounded by people who canencourage you to move forward.

2. How is money or finances holding me back?

Financing and money are two of the biggest factors that peopleclaim hold them back from reaching a big dream or goal. This isa fallacy. Resources, especially in the area of people andsocial capital, do not always come with a financial cost.

Tap your creativity. A good start would be to write down yourdreams, big and bold, then tell the people you trust about yourdreams. At least one person will be able to hook you up withsomeone who knows someone else who can help you.

If financing is really an issue, work gradually. Have a garagesale or auction some of your items on Ebay. At the same time,pay attention to your expenses, and do some trimming on yourpersonal budget.

If starting a business is your passion, please check out yourlocal Small Business Development Center. Visithttp://www.sba.gov and find a center near you. They can adviseyou and also give you sources for small business loans. Alsoremember that the internet and the library are wonderfulresources. The library is free, and the internet is inexpensive.You can’t go wrong with those two.

3. How are my conversations about "a lack of time" stopping mein my tracks?

I understand probably more than most how life can sometimes getin the way and really upset a schedule, but if you think younever have any time, a couple of things could also be at play:You could be procrastinating and letting the distractionsinterfere, or you may have a very optimistic time frame for yourlist of goals or “to-do” lists. Big dreams don’t happen in aday, but build daily.

If you feel you’ve taken on too much, see if you can delegatesome of that responsibility to someone else. Taking baby stepsdaily will help make the sense of overwhelm subside—that, and agood cup of Tension Tamer Tea! If you’d like to change therelationship you have with time, you might be interested in myfree six-day e- course. You can sign up here: .

4. But shouldn’t I only be in this particular role?

You aren’t tied to one identity. You encompass many personas asyou go through life. It’s actually possible to be wife (orhusband or partner, etc.), mom or dad, friend, business owner,employee, all at once, if that is what you desire and you learnthe balancing act. The point is that there is only one “you”.Even identical twins have nuances that are unique from eachother. So choose your role, and go for it!

5. How do I go about pursuing my dream? Where can I find a goodsupport system?

Do a Google or Yahoo search on your passion and see if you canfind an email group or bulletin board with people willing tocommiserate and brainstorm. You’ll be able to find a supportsystem by doing searches on your desired topic.

The Encyclopedia

of Associations is a goldmine if you’re lookingfor an association related to your passion. With luck, therewill be a local chapter you can contact. You can find that atyour local library. To find out more about the Encyclopedia ofAssociations, visit:http://library.dialog.com/bluesheets/html/bl0114.html. You canalso find it at your local public library.

Also, I’m an advocate of reading. A lot. Network, find mentors,have a plan, have someone hold you accountable, avoiddistractions, and revisit these ten questions. :) I believe itwas Jim Rohn who said, “When your ‘why’ [you want to do or havesomething] is clear, then the ‘how’ becomes clear.”

6. How is my negative self talk creating emotional blind spotsin my ability to "really go for it?"

Because of my many varied interests, I had this self- perceptionof being the “Jill of all Trades but Mistress of None,” so therecords that played in my mind were, “No way can I be positionedas an expert.” In talking with others and writing about all thatI knew, I realized how much that self-talk was holding me back.

Common statements I’ve heard from some of my former studentswere: “I’m not good enough.” “I’m too old,” “I’m too young,” “Noone will hire me because I’m too fat,” etc. Addressing thisinvolves a different dialogue with yourself and surroundingyourself with positive people who can appreciate your uniquegifts. When that negative inner- voice tries to sneak in, tryreframing your statements with a more positive spin. Forexample, “I can’t do this!” could be reframed as, “I just needto practice more. Then I’ll be able to do this.”

7. How does my inability to focus create a "choke point" in myprocess?

Analysis paralysis can be so debilitating! Take it from someonewho suffered from it for years! It seemed to be compounded bythe fact that I had so many interests that were seeminglyunrelated to each other, and especially unrelated to the degreesI chose to get in the name of being practical. Journaling,brainstorming on paper first and then with people I trusted didwonders.

8. How does my upbringing send me messages that "this will neverwork?"

If people you respect told you it was best to be 100% practicaland conventional but your dreams lean toward the opposite, thenyou are probably wondering if you should bother. Or maybe youwere less fortunate, and had people who were perpetuallynegative. It’s hard to thrive in that kind of environment unlessyou have an amazing amount of inner strength from the get-go.Again, if your center of influence is filled with positive,supportive people rather than negative people, it can make allthe difference.

9. How is my belief system getting in the way?

This ties a lot into the upbringing issue, the negativeself-talk, and to some extent, the fear issue above. I heard aspeaker recently say, “A belief gets its strength from theevidence (your life experiences) that supports it.” What startsas an idea can become a conviction.

As an artistically, musically, mathematically inclinedeccentric, I got called weird a lot in high school. So one ofthe beliefs that really stayed with me for years was, “Eccentricpeople will never fit in.” I now embrace my uniquenessregardless of what the majority believes. What are some of thebeliefs that you hold that may be getting in your way?

10. How do I recover when life keeps throwing me curve balls?

Rest! Be kind to—no, SPOIL yourself. If you need to vent, I saygo for it, but choose whom you vent to carefully. Not everyoneappreciates a good rant. My journal, I’ve found, is the safestplace to do it. Treat these curve balls as learning experiences,then get right back on that horse and try again.

I heard something that really inspired me from speaker JimStovall. He said (paraphrased), “We live up to the expectationsof ourselves or what we allow others to expect of us… That bigdream wouldn’t have been put inside you if you didn’t have thecapacity to do it. Change your life by changing your mind.”

Power-Ed Solutions, Inc. Copyright © 2004 All Rights Reserved

About the author:Carol Dickson-Carr a life strategist and social scientist whohas researched the human condition for over 13 years. She isalso founder of Power-Ed Solutions, Inc., a LeadershipDevelopment Company http://managingpersonalresources.com &http://www.power-edsolutionsinc.com